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外贸新人写开发信之【优缺点评+改写】案例

外贸新人写开发信之【优缺点评+改写】案例

2017-5-12 12:02:13

外贸新人写开发信之【优缺点评+改写】案例
                                              你是谁?他是谁?怎么说?
以上三点,你想好了吗? 

首先,“你是谁”。你公司的产品定位如何?适合哪里的市场?特点是什么?想清楚这些问题的答案,你就知道你这封开发信是应该发给西欧的客户,还是发给北非的客户,明确你的发信对象; 

其次,“他是谁”。他是代理商,那么最关心的可能就是你公司的代理政策及后期支持是否比别的厂商好;如果他是终端用户,那么他关心的就是如何使用;如果他是关注款式的更新,那么对你的研发和创新能力的关注可能要大过价格和质量。明确你的发信对象的喜好,就能明确你要说什么; 

最后,“怎么说”。语言一定要精炼,必要的礼节和礼貌用语要注意。不用谦卑地求着别人买,也不要毫无礼貌地说话。记住双方是未来可能的合作关系,我们是平等的。 
案例一
Your Sir/Madam, 
Have a good day! 
We learned that you are in the market for metal products. 
I did a little bit research on your company, I’m sure you would be continuously looking at opportunities to expand your product supplying scope services and enhance your company reputation in the metal products market, and increase your market return with our constant joint efforts. 
Our company specializes in iron wire, Hexagonal wire mesh and welded wire mesh. We can fulfill any of your business needs and maximize your business profits with lots of metal products as we are the source. 
Pls feel free to contact me if you have any questions. 
Your reply with detail requirement is really appreciated! 
Best Regards 
点评: 

1) 忌统称“Your Sir/Madam”。现在都讲究定制,所以如果知道对方的名字,一定要写上名字,忌“尊敬的先生女士”这类无针对性的称呼; 

2) 商业邮件,不需要过多的寒暄,建议在商言商,直截了当说明来意。Have a good day! We learned that you are in the market for metal products.西方人常说:Business is business. Be straightforward; 

3) 说话说重点,说对方关心的话。I did a little bit ...这一整段都是销售人员在自说自话;另外,Our company specializes ...这一段泛泛介绍了自己的主营产品,没能根据对方的需求,告诉对方自己独特之处。所以自然无法从众多同行的千篇一律的开发信中脱颖而出。 
案例二
Dear David 
We get your inquiry in internet and now we would like to have a brief introduction about our company for your understanding. We are professional battery manufactures and exporters in China and established as a joint venture by Local grow-up and foreign investment with over ten years experience. 
 
The Huge brand of batteries(special for prime battery) has been successfully established and highly recognized in the domestic market as well as abroad. 

The Huge brand of batteries series comply with Europe environmental friendly standard, 98101EC and enjoys the users’ favor of Europe, USA and South-east Asia, etc, which annual output is about 360 million pieces. Our factory located in Xingtang town , Guangzhou city and occupies an area of 3500 square meters with a skilled workforce of over 700 including thirties technical professionals, equipped with Fuji automatic production lines. 

Our main product range(special for prime battery) as follows 

1) Greenergy Super Heavy Duty Battery in metal jacket (R20P DR14P CR6P AAR03P AAA6F22 9V) 

2) Greenergy Extra Heavy Duty Battery in pvc jacket (R20P DR14P CR6P AAR03P AAA6F22 9V) 

3) Greenergy Long Life Carbon-Zinc in pvc jacket (R20C D R14C C R6C AA R03C AAA 4R25 R1) 

4) Greenergy Super Alkaline Battery in pvc jacket (LR20 DLR14 CLR6 AALR03 AAA6LR61 9VLR1) 

We can provide shrink(bulk) and blister card and other packaging by LCL cargo, 20ft container and 40ft HQ container at your request. Our full production process strictly adhered to the ISO9001 quality control system, our higher quality, advanced equipment and technology ensure a guarantee in leakage-proof , retention and duration. Our batteries have achieved the standard of the international famous brand. 

Your OEM orders are also warmly welcomed, it is our commitment to satisfy your requirement, please trust that we will be your reliable business partner for our good reputation, good quality and competitive price. Attached is our product photos. 

Please feel free to contact us or visit our website: http://www.xxxxx.com. 
Yours sincerely 
点评: 
这封开发信最大的问题在于语言。语言不精炼、思路不清晰,业务员写开发信之前,没有经过很好的思考和语言组织,想到什么写什么。如此长篇幅的开发信,买家有耐心看完这封信的几率几乎为零。 

我们尝试改造一下: 

Mr. David, 

Thanks for your inquiry. We are a joint-venture prime battery manufacturer and exporter in China with over ten years of experience. Our brand,“Huge”, complies with Europe environmental friendly standard and are highly recognized in both domestic and oversea market. 

Our main products 
1) Greenergy Super Heavy Duty Battery in metal jacket (R20P DR14P CR6P AAR03P AAA6F22 9V) 
2) Greenergy Extra Heavy Duty Battery in pvc jacket (R20P DR14P CR6P AAR03P AAA6F22 9V) 
3) Greenergy Long Life Carbon-Zinc in pvc jacket (R20C D R14C C R6C AA R03C AAA 4R25 R1) 
4) Greenergy Super Alkaline Battery in pvc jacket (LR20 DLR14 CLR6 AALR03 AAA6LR61 9VLR1) 
Package Shrink(bulk), blister card and other package by LCL, 20ft container and 40ft HQ container as per request. 
 
Guarantee We provide leakage-proof, retention and duration guarantee. 
OEM is acceptable. 

For more information of our products and services, please visit http://www.xxxxx.com. 

Any question, please feel free to let me know. 
Best regards, 
Joan Hu 
Sales Manager 
在改造该开发信的时候,我们将原来分散在各个段落的公司介绍合并,并换成最简练的语言,有效缩短了篇幅;对于公司的主营产品和包装等介绍,该业务员介绍的也比较泛,提供的包装也只是常规包装方式。关于主营产品和包装等细节是否要在推广信中写,我们的建议是:可以不写。 

开发信最重要的是让对方知道你好在哪里,如果他对你有兴趣,自然会通过你提供的企业网站链接去找相应的信息;如果你的包装比较特别,可以写。如果只是普通包装,那么建议不写。 

还有一种办法,把你最特别最吸引人的点放到开发信的最前面,其他主营产品等次要信息放在开发信落款的最后,甚至可以用另一种字体与开发信主题区别开来。这样对方看到的开发信重点突出,版面清晰。如果他感兴趣了,自然会往下看,看到你其他的信息。 
案例三
买家背景:Carlos为巴西的一个A产品代理商,在巴西国内代理一些国外品牌的Silicone sealant在巴西销售,在巴西国内有一定的地位,做得还不错。 

FromLiqing@xxxx.com 

ToCarlos@xxxx.com 

Subject Chance to get more Silicone Sealant market share in brazil 

Dear Carlos, 

Do you want to get more market share in silicone sealant market of brazil 

Now it is a chance, we have lots of inquiries from brazil, and we cannot only sell goods buy emails, we want get more market share in brazil, at the same time, we need a local cooperator to share the profit with us. One more brand is one more chance. 

Several distributors from Brazil have contacted us, so do not hesitate to contact us. Or the chance will get by others. 

Regards 

Loris 

Baiyun Silicone sealant 
点评: 

1) 关于买家背景。针对代理商的推广信,我们要重点解决的是你的品牌与他正在代理的品牌的区别度,让别人愿意卖你的产品。如你的返点,你的支持等等。产品的质量和价格不一定是重点。 

2) 改造该开发信: 

Dear Mr. Carlos, 

We are a manufacturer of silicone sealant. In the past 6 months, we received lots of inquiries from Brazil for our silicone sealants. Brazil is our promising market and we would like to expand the market together with you. 

We can offer you 

high commission 5% higher than your existing products 

Strong back-up service showroom building, technical support, training, etc 
Joint-promotion at Brazilian trade shows 

Contact us for more details and discussion. 

Also, please let me know about the requests and comments from your side. 

Best regards, 

Loris Chen 

Marketing Manager 

Baiyun Silicone sealant 

改造的方面主要包括:语气和措辞更客气礼貌;用事实(过去的半年里我们收到很多来自巴西关于这类产品的询盘)来说明市场潜力;第三段用排比短句罗列自己的优势,排版更清晰,对方可以一目了然,同时,用数据等事实说话;最后一句话,是给对方与自己互动的伏笔;最后,落款加上职位,显得写信者更有分量,显示专业及可靠性; 

3)这封邮件,我们构思的时候,更应该考虑这是一封“商业合作邮件”而非“卖东西”。从这个出发点出发,我们的措辞要更严谨专业,邮件的内容更多的应该是方案性文字。“合作”往往比“我卖你买”更容易让人接受。这点思路很值得我们外贸销售人员思考。少说Please let me know if you are interested. My price is low.之类的话,可以尝试多说Let's work together. 效果会有很大区别。 
案例四
买家背景:美国一家中高档家具销售连锁商店,由于金融风暴影响,其供应商破产,需要寻找新供货商。 

Best furniture, lower price 
Dear SirMadam, 

I learned that you are looking for a new furniture supplier, and I think our company is accord with your demand. We can supply you the best furniture with lower price. 

Our products passed American Certification three years ago. We connection with some distribution centers in US, we can make sure to deliver the products on time. 

Please feel free to contact me if you want to know anything. 

Best Regards 
点评: 

1)没有很好的分析买家背景。从标题Best furniture, lower price我们能看出来该业务员是打算用价格和质量来吸引对方。我们先来看一下一段文字: 

宜家的采购理念及对供应商的评估主要包括4个方面:持续的价格改进;严格的供货表现服务水平;质量好且健康的产品;环保及社会责任。 

那我们想一下,作为中高档家具连锁商店,需要寻找新供应商,对方会评估你哪些方面?供货表现、服务水平、质量、环保和社会责任肯定是第一考虑因素,其次才是价格的持续改进能力。而业务员完全没有考虑对方的背景,想当然的用低价去吸引对方,这封开发信自然是无效开发信。 

2)另外,对方是美国零售商,对单价不感兴趣,更关注整体报价。所以业务员在改写这封邮件时,可以把整体报价列清楚,以打动买家。 
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